Listen: it's important

March 11, 2008
--from my diary--

Here I sit. In the ICU waiting room in a hospital in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. I am pretty sure most ICU waiting rooms are the same--uncomfortable and too cold. We're strangers all -- and we are bonding through small talk as we privately worry and feel uncertainty over a loved one's progress and prognosis.

I am surrounded now by a room full of people I don't know and many I know only casually. Most of these people are much older than I, yet we are all united by our love of dear Irene, who is the one I sit vigil for along with these people I don't know that well.

Irene is now on life support and the prognosis is grim. She looks so pitiful hooked up to the ventilators and IV lines. she is swelling and not responsive to stimuli. We try to reassure each other but we know she won't make it.

What really saddens me is that Irene is one of my mom's best friends. In the past, when I would visit mom it seemed Irene was always there. She was just so happy to be with my mom. I love Irene.

Now, as she is at death's threshold, I recall many times when she would talk to me and I would only half listen. I wouldn't give her my full attention--not wanting to get too involved because I was selfishly wrapped up in my own private dramas.

As I drove to the hospital today I thought how similar this failure to listen I've been guilty of before. When I lived with my mom's parents years ago, many times I stayed up late to watch tv. My grandpa would be sitting at his desk playing solitaire with his well worn deck of cards. He would talk to me but I was selfish with him also. I would only half listen and when he died the only thing I really remembered him talking about was how great he thought "The Grapes of Wrath" was. My grandpa was in his later years a man of wisdom and patience. He was also intelligent, especially about people and their motives.

I now share this journal entry with whomever reads this to stress how important it is to take the time to REALLY LISTEN to people, especially those we care about and love.

Life is fragile. We may awake one day expecting to go about our life as usual then in a split second our regular, mundane world is turned upside down, either through an accident or through death. The fact that our world can change in an instant underscores the reality of life's fragility. We may go to sleep with all our loved ones safe only to awake with one of them gone forever.

We should not let complacency and selfishness have sufficient power over us such that we neglect to show our love for others by withholding from them our attention. Our FULL attention. Listening is a selfless gift.

I regret that I failed to listen, really listen to my grandpa or Irene. It's too late now. I will never know what richness of experience I would have vicariously gained from them as words only half heard are words not really remembered.

Next time you are with someone who is talking to you, focus on them. Give them your full and undivided attention. Let them know you care by really hearing what they are saying. Listening for only a brief time will save you much regret if they are suddenly taken from you.